Kalkarindji - Oops.... What the hell!

Posted on 2024, Wed Jan 31st, @ 3:40am by Outpost Captain Savage Ivanov & Rear Admiral Ilyce (Pronounced Ice) Collins & Kyaron (pronounced Karen) Ivanov (nee Barker)
Edited on on 2024, Thu Feb 1st, @ 11:39am

3,013 words; about a 15 minute read

Mission: The Attack Of the Cadavera(Starbase 113/Outpost/Townsend)
Location: Various Decks of Kalkarindji
Timeline: Current

Ivanov Bride's Deck
Deck 349
Kalkarindji

"Kyaron. Kyaron! Damn you......."

Kyaron Ivanov stopped paying attention to the conversation when something outside the viewing window caught her eye. Moving closer to the viewing window she stared at what she saw. Backing her head away from the window, her mouth dropped open.

"Are you...... What the heck?"
"Oh lordee me, that's on the small side."
"If you're referring to his male bits, you've got that right."
"Why is it naked?"
"Why is it out there at all?" More of the Ivanov brides had moved towards the viewing windows, general conversation had ceased. Specific gender conversation was now focused on the view.
"I'm telling you dark is the way to go."
"Have you tried white Ivanov?"
"No. My Ivanov has a swirl of black in it."
"My Ivanov has a swirl of caramel."
"Caramel? Are we talking color or taste?"
"I'm not sure I want to ask."
"That does not even qualify as Ivanov material."
"Maybe we should call someone."
"Kyaron..."

Turning her head Kyaron Ivanov glanced in Natalie's direction, then back at what seemed to be hovering outside. Pulling a rectangle communications device from her pocket Kyaron made her selection and started to one finger type. Hitting send, she slid it away.
"Sent." She hit a button on the wall panel and dragged a chair closer, as the block out covers slid back further, allowing the brides to settle in for one heck of a show.

= = = Deck 411 = = =

Vivan Ivanov, continued to paint Emily's body, shifting back on the floor, to face her legs, she blinked, then blinked again. Narrowing her gaze, she waved a hand i the air, getting Deeton's attention. She rose to her feet, and moved to the viewing window.

"What the F......"
"Use another word. You know how we feel about women who use those words." Deeton cut Viv off.
"Are you seeing...."
"Yes." Deeton tapped the sleeve communicator. Keeping his gaze on the viewing window, he watched as a human head twirled and danced outside, Kalkarindji. It wasn't a sight you normally saw. Something had definitely gone wrong. He wrapped a hand around Emily's arm It was a male head, and even though the owner was dead, he didn't like it looking at what was his.
"Oh really?" Viv glanced at Deeton. "It's dead, beside it's only the head, it needs arms to touch."
"Eyes look."


= = = Deck 724 = = =

"What the Fuck!"

Sgt Matthews glanced at the young marine who stood studying the blackness outside the Kalkarindji Outpost, not seeing anything which would warrant a fuck.
"Jameson. Mind your language."
"Sir, You have toooo."

"Over here Sarge." Chris Matthews glanced in the opposite direction.

"Sarge you're needed over yonder."
"Sgt Mathews you need to come see this."
"Sarge..."
"Sarge.."

"Enough!" Sgt Chris Matthews rose to his feet. "What the hell are you all going on about?" Looking at the viewing windows, all he could see was black space. Walking closer and closer until he was nose to viewing window he stared out at a small patch of white. Pulling out his ranger, he raised the glasses to his eyes and let them focus in on the white object.

A perfectly formed box, was floating around outside the outpost. Keeping his attention on the box, he watched as it twirled and danced until it came around. Staring back at him was a shaved head, wide blue eyes, snot filled nasal slot, open no tooth smile and a raggard sawn neck cut. Blinking and taking another look, he got everything the same, except this time an ear was visible. Watching the box continue to twirl as it danced. "Well now Kalkarindji may be a new realm Afterall."
"Sir?"
= = = Deck 181 = = =

A little girl in a pale pink dress stood near the viewing window and stared out at the figure resting against the viewing window. Moving until she stood directly in front of the figure, she touched her finger against it trying to touch what was beyond the window.

"Miss Whitfield, do they all grow that big?" Carli Ivanov called out to one of the teachers.

"Does what grow big?" Jenna Whitfield glanced in Carli's direction, eyes widening when she took in the sight of a male, a naked male plastered against the viewing window. "Close the block outs." She yelled, as she reached across to drag Carli away.

"My brother Robbie has a tiny one, he tugs it, but it doesn't get bigger. Daddies gets real big. Mummy licks it like a lollypop. Daddy makes growly noises. Tommy and Willy have longer ones, and milky stuff comes out. Why doesn't he have milky stuff come out?"

"Oh lord." Cheree Hardwick tried not to laugh. "I am not putting that in the report."
"Yes, you are." Jenna couldn't hide her smile. "It's your turn to put the report in."
"I am not putting in that Nikkos Ivanov's daughter Carli watched her mother suck her husband's lollypop, and that the naked male plastered against the window had her relating that some of her brothers were smaller and some were larger and had milky stuff leak out."
"And remember her question about size." Shannon added with a grin, steering more young Ivanov's away from the sight..


= = = Deck 668 = = =

Kitchen hand Jenny Marxs let out a scream, as two dark hands planted themselves directly in front of her. Brown eyes gazed into hers, and something wiggled inside the head, pushing open the mouth, until a snake like eel started to appear out between the two rows of yellow teeth. Jenny's had swirled as blackness closed in. Feeling light headed, and unable to move, Jenny let her eyes close, as her knees crumbled and she gave up the fight, crashing down onto the floor, not feeling the sting of the cleaver she went down, loosing her grip on the kitchen utensil and impaling herself on it and a cooking fork before she hit the ground.

"Jenny. Jenny. What have you done this time?" Rushing over Carmelita glanced up from the floor and let out a blood thirsty scream of her own at the sight.

= = = Deck Seventy Two = = =

"Crap. What is that?"
"What is what?"
"That!" Rose pointed to the naked male who was slowly coming into view.
"Well it looks like a nude body to me."
"One which wouldn't pass muster on this deck."
"Why are there nude people floating outside the outpost?"
"Just because this is the sex services deck, doesn't mean we have to all be constantly focused on that topic."

"Oh I don't know."
"If you ask me, I was expecting bad arses, not frozen ones. Here I thought we'd see some interesting things. Things that you wouldn't see on a Star Fleet station."
"Ladies, just because Kalkarindji is on the dark side, doesn't mean that they don't have idiots."

"Ah, I thought corpses don't get erect?"
"oooooooooohhhhhhhh, now that is definitely a male specimen."
"Come on sweetie, twirl around, we need to see what's got you stiff."
"Can anyone see it's butt?
"It's slowly coming around.... A little bit more handsome...."
"How do you know he's handsome, he doesn't have a head?"
"That depends on what head you're referring too."
"Can anyone see his back hole, he has to have something up there to keep him stiff."

= = = Deck 115 = = =

"Oh come on now! This is a bit hard to stomach."
"What is hard to stomach?"
"I thought we were all getting the same start? How are we supposed to beat that?
"Beat whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Surely not."
"Not even Savage would push live out the airlock."
"Oh, where did you get that bit from?"
"They'd be nothing but flecks."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, totally sure. The only way they're still in one piece is if they've been embalmed. A combination of the chemicals will keep them whole."

"How do you know?"
"Because I use to sell the dead, to people like us, who came up with ideas and ways to let people kill each other."
"I thought bodies shattered when they were ejected into space."
"Comes down to how they've been prepared. Did you just think they shoved Star Fleet officers in coffins or torpedoes and launched them into space and that was it?"
"Actually, I did."
"The process is supposed to be peaceful and gentle. They put them in a bath with some chemicals, it stops them from flaking or shattering."
"Why?"
"Because they don't do it to everyone that carks it. Only those that deserve it."
"Are you saying they float in space forever?"
"No, they float into they encounter something with gravity, then they get pulled in, or towards that object."
"And shatter."
"Not necessarily."
"What do you mean?"
"There are tails of some ejected crew members off the USS Whtye who were found alive and functioning over two hundred years after they were ejected from the Whtye having died on a mission."
"Are you serious?
"Totally."
"So what happened to them?"
"No idea. I put it down to someone's idea of a tall tale."
"And you have no problem with dying and then coming back?
"Can you imagine how much you could make per individual if you could work out how it happened, if it were true?"
"So, this doesn't worry you?"
"What dead bodies floating in space? Nope. It's just one of the weird things that happen in the black."

= = = Deck One Hundred and Sixty Eight = = =

"Man, wouldn't you like to sit on that!"
"Oh heck. I didn't know they got that big."
"Haven't you seen your dad's?"
"Why would I look at his willy?"
"Janna, Ivanov men have big cocks! Surely you still don't call it a willy."
"Listen here Jen Ivanov. We weren't even allowed to do sex education. Dad said no. I'm fifteen, the boy I was supposed to be married too did something bad, and Dad and Uncle Savage refused. I had to get stories about what happens from Jesse."

" I didn't see one till I was taken by my man. He sleeps by himself, I catch a look when he's in the shower stroking himself." Cathy Volkov said coming to stand near the window. "How would you get something that size up your fanny?"
"Don't you get yourself off?" Tina Kerkov asked from where she stood looking at the eye candy going by.
"You're kidding, Dad took the doors off."
"What do you use?"
"Vibrator."
"A carrot works."

"A lollypop."
"Grandpop's stick."
"A banana."
"Cooked sausage."
"A piece of pipe."
"Fruit or vegetable."
"The barrel of a gun."
"Rifle barrel."
"Tubing."
"Mum's toy collection."
"Anything that vibrates."
"A blow up man doll."

All eyes turned in Francis direction, everyone forgetting the outside activity. "Tell us more."

= = = Deck Four = = =

"Mrs. Jane could you please calm down." The communications officer on the command deck watched as every communications button began to flash. Changing colors as more and more people pressed their number. She gripped the headset and stood up. "Kolly. We're lit up like a kid's ride. Every button has gone red. Most of the callers have been drinking. All I'm getting is naked men floating outside the outpost."

"Are you certain, that's what they said?" Magnellan Ivanov stopped next to Jackie and eyed her com console. He took the spare headset and held it up to his ear.

"Yes sweetie, that's what I said. The man was totally without clothes, and he was definitely in need of relief, if you get my point. Yes, sweetie it was very stiff. I didn't think you could go outside with no clothes......"

Magnellan picked up a pair of rangers and scanned the space around the outpost. He couldn't see anything except the blackness of space. Tapping his sleeve communicator, he waited till it was answered.

"CDeck to Jason. Location please?"

Jason lost her grip on the safety rail and got swung over said railing, as something hard thudded into her back. Feeling her tank slide, she activated her gravity boots, and let her feet ease into contact with the hull plates. Facing the opposite direction, she went silent, eyes widening at the sight.

=/\= I'm on the top of the array. Has communications gone wild? =/\=

"What can you see?"

=/\= What can I see? =/\= Jason repeated. =/\= A total fuck up. =/\= Jason stared at the sight. Little boxes, medium boxes, large boxes, and larger boxes hundreds of them floated up from further down Kalkarindji's side. Some of those boxes were closed, but the majority of them were open. They weren't normal boxes, they were organic matter storage containers. They were the type that numerous decks used. They were the type that you put dead bodies in to transport them to furnaces. Those that were open, were either empty, or were still filled with some part of a dead body. There were heads, heads and shoulders, heads shoulders and arms, heads shoulders arms and hands. Heads shoulders arms hands and torsos. Or heads shoulders arms hands fingers or heads shoulders arms hands and no fingers.

"Can you define what sort of fuck up."

=/\= I've given you remote access. I wouldn't recommend a main viewer. =/\=

"Got it."

Magnellan froze when the image appeared on the nearest screen. He blinked once, twice and then went white. Filling the screen was a naked arse. Legs spread wide apart, let the back of the man's genitals fill the screen.

"Shit!"


= = = Deck 201 = = =

"I take it you have a problem?" Savage answered the urgent beep. Standing near the viewing window, Savage didn't react when a pair of men's balls crashed into Kalkarindji, followed by the rest of the man's associated pieces.

"Ah, you could say that. Jason activated remote viewing. We've got about one hundred odd...."

"Two hundred and thirteen body cases. Six hundred and twenty two body segments, nine hundred and sixty two full and two eleven quarters. Four hundred and three bodies free of cases and three hundred ninety one heads and seven hundred animals of various varieties." Savage answered. "Funerals with a difference agreed to burn a haul from three ships located by Station 101447. One of FWD's staff got stuck and he thought pressing the purge button would make people aware of his situation." Savage didn't bother saying what he thought about the man's action.

"And I'm doing what?" Magnellan asked his brother, gazing at the command deck's staff who were all standing in front of the viewing windows admiring the view. "It's causing quite a view."

Savage didn't doubt it. =/\+ It's being handled. But it's not going to be a quick clean up. Close all the block outs. Nordic's put out a call to our vessels inbound, and I'm about to alert 113. Tell those calling the comm lines, that we're dealing with the situation. =/\+

Magnellan wasn't sure he wanted to know how. "Got it."

Savage tapped his sleeve when the tone indicated the caller was Jason.

=/\+ Jason. =/\+

=/\= Can I make a suggestion. =/\=

=/\+ Feel free. =/\+

=/\= I take it these were to be cremated, right? =/\=

=/\+ Right. =/\+

=/\= Then beaming them in, is out of the question because of the embalming process. We've got large rolls of netting, four suits on each corner, they use the guidance pods, or the bots instead of the suits, sweep the nets around a group. snag them tight and drag them in. Unless we release some of Sugar's and detonate them while the block outs are up. =/\=

Jason pushed away the corpse heading straight for her, sending it like a bowling ball towards five others and sending them in all directions away from the outpost. Standing up straight she kept knocking, pushing and sending the garbage away from her, as it continued to dance around the outpost.

=/\+ Which would you prefer? =/\+

=/\= DCE doesn't do garbage. My choice would be the later. SF however would probably want the first. And given they may turn up on 113's systems, I hope you've got the paperwork. =/\=

=/\+ Let's go the first. =/\+

=/\= You turning soft, boss. =/\=

=/\+ You're my DCE Jason. You do garbage. Savage out. =/\+

= = = Outpost 113 = = =

"Commodore Collins, Savage Ivanov from Outpost Kalkarindji line three."

"Thank you Jamie." Ilyce hit the line, turning her chair towards the viewing window, as she watched the clear space outside. "Collins."

"Tell me you haven't got a garbage issue."

Ilyce stared out the viewing window, looking up, down and side to side. "Has Kyaron driven you crazy?"

"Kalkarindji accepted a contract from Station 101447. Disposal of organic parts. Some idiot got himself stuck and hit the purge button."

Ilyce tried not to roar with laughter. "Oh Lord, Ivanov. Have you put out a flight notice?"

"It'll be coming out shortly. Do not beam them onboard."

Ilyce nodded, scanning the space outside the station. "Embalming mix." She nodded. "Beaming them will cause them to shatter. DCE does not do garbage. How long does Jason say before we could see them?"

"I didn't ask." Savage answered. "Where's Black?"

"On the Halo." Ilyce turned back to the monitor and the big man. "Do you need bodies?" She couldn't resist.

Savage rolled his eyes. "Thanks Collins, but I have all the bodies I want."

Ilyce gave him a little wave of her fingers as the screen went dead. "Great now I've got to deal with incoming body parts. Jamie." She waited till the young woman appeared. "Could you please get all department heads, including the Academy, and you'd better include any one above my rank, that is nearby, Please include the Marines, Hazard Team, Fighters, Damage Control, Civilian Heads, to one of the conference rooms and let me know when they are assembled, please."

"Yes, sir."

"Oh and Jamie I want a flight Directive issued to all ships of any description." Ilyce wrote it out on a PADD and handed it across to her.

Starbase 113 to all vessels in the vicinity. Outpost Kalkarindji have advised there is an incoming mass of 088's bound for Starbase 113. If encountered do NOT beam. Contact 113 for further information. Commodore I Collins.

Ilyce knew that many would have to look up what a 088 was. "Please direct any questions my way, and let me know when everyone is in the biggest conference room."

OOC: Anyone with time on their hands......

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